I Don't Want to Forget...

 I have a job. That statement still feels surreal and I'm not sure if it's true. But it is. Through God's grace, I have a job.

And that is what I don't want to forget. Him. His grace. His provision. I don't want to forget about the Lord now that I have what I asked for. I don't want to leave Him out of this new journey. I don't want to live life without Him, at least until I "need" Him again.

I don't want to forget my need for Him. I need Him all the time. Though after the dust settles and life calms down, it is easy to forget about the daily need for Him. It's easy to forget the battle that was just won, and Who won it.

Why? Why is it so easy to forget? Number one, Satan hates us relying on God and will step in as soon as possible to make us think that we don't need Him. Number two, life is busy. And it is easy to let the business take us, not stopping to take time to spend with our Father. I'm sure there are more, but those are the two that I feel are pulling me away at the moment.

In one of my interviews with Compassion, I told them that wherever the Lord provided a job, I wanted my office space to be filled with quotes and scripture that would encourage and challenge me. Sometimes my perfectionist spirit gets in the way and makes me feel like I cannot try something because what if it's not right? What if I fail?

If I fail, God's grace is sufficient. 

I know that it can be hard for me to keep my eyes on Christ and to have a good attitude when I feel unprepared and ill-qualified. But that is when I need to turn to Him the most. To cling to the promise that He is in control, that nothing will take Him by surprise, and that I am His child. No matter what happens, I am His child.

So in light of these revelations, I have been looking up quotes and scriptures that I would like to surround myself in my new office space. Here are a few examples:

       

      

      

Father,

May You be glorified through my life. May I remember Your grace and mercy; Your provision; Your peace and wisdom. May I remember You, spend time with You, and seek You even when life appears "easy". For You are God and I am not, whether life is easy or hard at the moment, You are still God. Don't let me forget You. And if I do, remind me Father, in Your love and mercy remind me of Who You are and what You have done. May I set up memorial stones (Joshua 4), like the Israelites after they crossed the Jordan, to remember the battle that was won. Thank You...Amen.

Real Life {The Job Search Is...OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

Praise the Lord! I just received a call and I will officially be employed at Compassion Canada on September 10, 2012.

God is SO good!

I wasn't supposed to receive a call until tomorrow, which meant that I was going to have to come home from being gone all day to listen to a voice mail letting me know if I was employed or not. But the Lord was so gracious and He gave me the opportunity to chat with my new employer for about 20 minutes on the phone about my new position in the Contact Center.

There will be lots of training and hopefully lots of quick learning on my part. But I am so grateful to be employed after being in Canada for a year. What a wonderful anniversary present!

I have no words to express my gratitude right now or the joy that is just gushing from my heart. 

Father I thank You for this wonderful opportunity. May I glorify You through this new journey. 

I ask for quiet confidence in who I am in You, and that I will learn quickly. I give over to You 

any stress that I may encounter. I ask Your blessing upon the friendships that I will establish

 there, may they honor and glorify You. May my attitude be pleasing to You, 

may this heart that You are shaping be a light for You. Amen.

Real Life {And the Journey I'm In}

Does your Bible look like this? There are some passages where I don't have any more room to write:)

Over the last few months I have been reading the Word along side other women over at #SheReadsTruth. I have been challenged and I have learned so much with this group of women. It has been a great encouragement to me ever since I found it just a few short months ago.

So I thought I would give you some snapshots of what my time with #SheReadsTruth looks like.

There's lots of praying, seeking the Lord, meditating, and putting my own words down on paper as I struggle through different passages of scripture.

Today has been hard because I have been struggling under the stress of still not knowing if I have a job or not. I had a second interview last Monday and I was told that I would be called by this Friday, that's a long time for this heart to wait.

Today I was stressed. I felt incompetent to complete the tasks I needed too in order to get this company all the information they needed to complete a background check. I felt totally out of my comfort zone and stretched to the limit.

And yet, I am right where God wants me. He knows right where I am, and He is right here with me. He is my Mediator, and what a comfort that is! I have prayed over and over that whatever happens with this employment opportunity, that He would be glorified. That He would become more and that I would become less.

I believe that happened today.

So whatever happens, I pray with all my heart that He would be glorified. That He would be praised in my life and in my future employers whoever they may be. 

Today, as I sank deeper and deeper into the stress. I came here...

...to Bible Gateway where I looked up Proverbs 14 & 15 in several different versions as I read alongside other #SheReadsTruth ladies.

To my journal where I wrote down verses that spoke to me and convicted me.

I came to Jesus. The Author and Perfecter of my faith.

He is the only Place that I will ever find rest. He is the only One that will never leave me nor forsake me. He is my Comforter, my Prince of Peace, my Saving Grace, my All in All, my Righteousness.

He is my Everything.

Father, today I pray that we see You in our daily lives today. That we would seek You and give You all the praise and honor You are due. That we would magnify Your name rather than our own. May You be praised today and every day. Amen.

Real Life {Nerves...and then comes...The Hoping & Waiting}

Today I went in for a second interview at a wonderful company (I'm not going to tell you where, that will stay a surprise and I'll let you know where if I get the job). It was absolutely wonderful and totally unnerving!

I was so nervous leading up to this interview. My first one I wasn't nervous at all and this one, wow, it was crazy, my legs were actually shaking as I was putting on my makeup this morning. I don't know what had me so riled up, but whatever it was, I was not going to have it.

I didn't want to be nervous. I wanted to be excited, hopeful, but not nervous. When I'm nervous my personality disappears and I become a bumbling idiot...not exactly a promising attribute! I didn't want to be nervous because being nervous puts the focus and pressure on me rather than focusing on Christ and His promises.

When I was going in for my first interview, my dad sent me a text and told me that he was holding onto the promise that the Lord loves to give his children good gifts. That was an amazing text to receive and I have begun to cling to that promise as well.

That doesn't mean that if I don't get this job that God doesn't give good gifts, it just means there is another opportunity out there that He is just waiting to give me. It really encourages me and keeps my focus on trusting and believing in Christ and His provision rather than in myself and my personal abilities.

So today I am clinging to hope. I am clinging to a God who loves me more than I could possibly imagine. I am crying out in thanksgiving for the opportunity to shine His light. I am choosing to not worry and to not be anxious. I am choosing the Lord who is my life. I am choosing love, which is both an action and a Person. I am choosing to trust and believe that His ways are higher than my ways, that He has everything in the palm of His hand, and that He is in control.

I am choosing to let God be God. To give over my worrisome 

burdens and rest in His mercy and grace.

I will find out next Friday (August 24) if I have a job or not. So right now I am stuck with quite a bit of waiting. But I will continue to cling to my Savior who will never leave me nor forsake me. Who walks with me through this journey we call life. May He be glorified in the waiting.

What Do I Have to Give?

Lately, Satan has been feeding the lie that I have nothing to give. Not that I am the best thing ever or anything, but through Christ, each one of us has a story and therefore has something to give and share with the rest of us.

Each of us share differently. Some in obvious ways, some not. 

But we can never forget that we each have a story and our story is not for us alone but it is to shared.

I have forgotten over the last few weeks. I have forgotten that I have a story. That my story is God's story. And that He has given me a place designed specifically to share His story, and that place is right here. 

Sometimes I feel like nothing is going on, that life is in a way boring at that particular moment so what could I possibly have to share? But it's not about me, and what I have to share. It's about Christ and what He has to share.

Writing here is about putting away my selfishness and opening up to the Spirit's leading. It's about sharing the ups and downs, the boring and the exciting, the struggle in finding a job, the excitement for an important interview, the time spent on vacation with my parents, the marriage that I am constantly growing and learning in. 

This is my safe place. Which is strange to me because many who read these words I have not even met before, but I have a peace here. I have an open spirit here that is often closed to the "outside world". After all the quote, "I write better than I talk" describes me perfectly.

And in light of that fact, God gave this blog. A place to grow in grace and love. To be open and honest in the midst of my struggles and failures. To share His story that is my life. 

Because, it is all about Him. Everything. Every moment, every joy, every hurt, every mistake, every selfless act, every selfish act.

EVERY CHOICE IS ALL ABOUT HIM.

As I choose to begin sharing once more, I pray that I will remember in the so-called "boring times" of life to share His story in the midst of it. I pray that I won't give into the lie that I have nothing to share because it's not about me it is about Christ, and He always has something to share.

Last night as these truths began to resonate in my heart, the Lord opened my eyes to all that I had been learning and neglecting to share over the past few weeks. 

• We are going through an amazing study of the life of Gideon in church on Sunday's and it has been incredible! Every week it doesn't seem like I can write quick enough to capture it all.
• We have just started a young adults program at church and we are going through The Truth Project. I have never been through this study before and am really enjoying the spirituality and academics that are interwoven throughout each week.
• I am still searching for a job, but I have a very exciting interview Thursday (tomorrow) morning at 10am. I would covet your prayers as I continue to seek Christ in the midst of the search and I long to be where He wants me to be, no matter where that might be.

I'm sure there is more that has happened that needs to be shared, but these are the things that are heavy on my heart at the moment. Praying that the Lord will be glorified today, through these words and through our lives as we seek Him. Have a blessed day and may His grace and peace be with you.

#SheReadsTruth

I don't know if you have a smart phone. But over the past 10 months or so I have made the transition from the free-with-a-contract phones (aka "boring" to some) to the world of touch screens and "smart" phones. There are things I like from both, I seriously hate typing on touch screens, they drive me crazy! I always seem to hit the wrong letters, and don't even get me started on the auto-correct business (I've turned it off on my phone). I miss the big number/letter keys on my old phone that I could text a-mile-a-minute on...but I really do love the apps on the smart phones. There is a Bible app called YouVersion and on that app a community has formed through a devotional called Living the Surrendered Life and the community has spread to instagram and twitter with the trend #SheReadsTruth.

This is a place where women are coming together to read scripture and share what they are learning through it. What an incredible online community a few women have created through the Lord's leading and I am so excited to begin investing in this community!

I don't know where you are in your faith walk. I don't know if you're reading your Bible regularly, if you're struggling with daily setting aside time for the Lord or if you get lost in the Word every time you open it because you just can't get enough. We all have our ups and downs, we have times when we're struggling and when we are overflowing with love and desire for our King.

Wherever you are today I hope you find hope and encouragement. I pray the Lord touches your heart and blesses you in a special way. I hope that you make the time to be still and know that He is God (Psalm 46:10).

Real Life {Job Searching}

I am officially job searching...and it's hard! I've never really done a lot of job searching because being a nanny, I always got jobs through word of mouth and they were not hard to find in Charlotte, with so many connections and opportunities.

But here in Ingersoll, it's a different story. Number one, I'm actually looking for what many people deem a "real job", one with an office, and not wearing sweats and old t-shirts that can get spit up and pooped on. I might even wear a skirt! Number two, if I find a job outside of walking distance from our house we will most likely have to buy a second car. Number three, I have no idea what I'm doing...great!

I have had about 5 interviews over the last month, and clearly none of them have ended with a job offer. I have to say it's discouraging. It's hard to get all dressed up, put your best foot forward, give of yourself and have the giving come back empty. 

But through it all, I am seeking His will and not my own. I really, truly want to be where the Lord wants me to be. I have no idea where that is or how long it will take to find it, but I know that He has a job all lined up for me, I just have to be willing to seek, wait, and trust.

Bummer. That takes away all striving on my own that I normally try and do, planning out every possible way things could work out and taking things into my own hands and doing things my way. I have to give it up. I have to give up my ways and let His ways rule. I must let Him be God, and let Him guide me, in His way and His timing, where He wants me.

Now of course that doesn't mean I can just sit around and do nothing, but it does mean that my heart must first and foremost seek Him above everything else. Above a second paycheck, above my own ideas of what would be good for me, above my time frame and my desires. It all has to be Him.

There have been many things that I have learned through the last month or so as I've struggled through this process. I have been convicted that His ways are not my ways. That just because I feel like I need a job now, or really yesterday, He may not feel that way, He may need me to wait weeks or months. Am I willing to wait? Am I willing to trust Him? Am I willing to struggle and learn the lessons He has for me through the searching?

I also know that I long to be a light for Christ no matter where He has me. I know that it is so easy to forget about being a light once I have a job from previous experience. I get distracted with my discomforts, with what other people are or are not doing, with what I deserve compared with what I am getting. I lose sight of Christ and put myself at the forefront of every issue, it all becomes about me, what I want, what I need, what I don't have, what I have to deal with, how everything is unfair, blah blah blah.

What a shame. How many opportunities have I missed to be His light while being blinded by my own selfish and prideful desires? More than I would like to count I think. But I truly want this to be His job that I take, I want to be right where He wants me, even if I am scared or uncomfortable. Of course that's easy to say now, when nothing like that is knocking at my door, but I pray with all my heart that He will give me the strength to live out the calling He is placing upon my life at this moment. Whatever He wants me to do and wherever He wants me to, I so want to be 100% willing and ready for Him to use me.

I want to be His girl. I want to let Him lead. I want to give Him control and stop trying to take it away. I want to see the blessings in the midst of the mess. I want to be transformed by Him as He refines this heart that is hardened with pride and selfishness, the need for control and for everything to be planned out just so with no room for faith.

Father God, may this broken vessel shine Your light through the cracks in this heart. May others see You in the midst of failings. Open my heart to Your leading and Your direction and allow me to learn what You have to teach me through this time of seeming limbo. You are great God, You are all I need, and please don't ever let me forget it. I love You Jesus with all my heart, may Your will be done in me.