Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Real Life {The Struggle of Time}

What do you do when you don't feel that there is enough time? When the laundry is all separated in your room waiting to go from the floor to the washer. When the dirty dishes scattered around the house are waiting for soupy water and a sponge. When you have that ring around the tub that is begging to be sparkly clean again.

These days time feels stretched. I can either get two things done half way or one thing done well. Or struggle over which option to attempt and never actually get anything done at all.

Time is so precious. I want a clean house; but I want to have a relationship with my husband. I want to build relationships with friends; but I need to deepen my relationship with the Lord. I want to invest in so many amazing opportunities; but I need to have time to breathe and not over commit.

Time. You baffle me. We are always dancing. Leading and following one another and hoping we don't step on each others toes.

Tonight I did two things well. What a blessing. I had wonderful time with my Savior, and there is one load of laundry in the dryer and one load in the washer. It makes my heart sing :)

And yet it is hard to not focus on the loads that are still waiting. The dishes and tub that need cleaning. The floors that need sweeping and mopping. I have a choice to be grateful or to be resentful; to rejoice despite the mess, or to despair in spite of the mess.

I want to choose to be grateful and to rejoice for what has been done. I want to choose joy. I want to choose grace. I can bestow grace on others, why can't I bestow grace upon myself? Why is it ok if others do not get to their housework but if mine goes undone it is the end of the world?

Grace. May I never forget, to truly bestow grace on others I must first bestow it to myself. For I cannot love another as myself until I truly love myself. I must see myself through Christ's eyes. I am beloved. I am daughter. I am precious. I am princess. I am His.

When I choose to not forgive my shortcomings and bestow grace on my circumstances, I refuse the love that the Lord freely gives to me. I say no to Christ's sacrifice on the cross. I belittle His death and put myself above His grace.

Father, please forgive me for thinking too highly of myself. For thinking that I could ever be above Your grace. Thank you so much for Your sacrifice. May I bask in the wonder of your grace. May I simply say "thank You". Grant me a spirit of humility. May I reflect Philippians 2 and the attitude of Christ that He showed while He was on earth. May I daily accept Your grace. I long for You to increase and for me to decrease. Be glorified in me. Amen - let it be.