Every time I enter into a new community I forget how hard it is to honestly share life, my unique life, with new people.
Thankfully I am surrounded by wonderful people on a daily basis. It has blown my mind how caring and loving the staff of Compassion are. I don't think there is any other place I could have felt comfortable enough to ask for a sick day two weeks into my training. The Lord has blessed me more than I could have possibly imagined and I am so grateful!
But no matter how wonderful and amazing the people are, I still struggle with the fear of their judgments and opinions. Wondering what they think of me. It is something that I have always struggled with. And it is something that I constantly have to give over to the Lord, knowing that He loves me and that He is where I need to find my worth and value, not in others opinions.
Nevertheless, I am never more aware of how invisible Lyme is to "the outside world" until I am thrown into a new environment. I worry how people take the fact that every day I fight the battle of Lyme disease, without it being an obvious battle that they will see. I struggle with honestly telling people how I feel each day because I don't want to bore them with the consistency of Lyme.
I forget how much I cherish being able to tell just one person, "It's not a good day", and knowing that they get it. I miss the camaraderie of struggling through life together and understanding each others quirks. I love knowing what makes a person tick, what touches their heart, what they struggle with, what they love, what bothers them. I love truly knowing people. Not just the surface stuff, but the nitty-gritty-real-life stuff.
In light of my struggle, I thought I would let someone else describe it for you. It is always a blessing when you find someone else who can describe your life. It brings home the fact that you are not alone in your struggle. Though this article is written by someone with Lupus, it describes many aspects and choices I am daily faced with: The Spoon Theory.
I hope you enjoyed the article. I hope that you can understand just a bit more how valuable life really is. I hope you realize that composing a blog post takes at least one spoon. That washing the dishes can take anywhere from 1 to 4 spoons depending on the day. That by the time I have "gotten ready" for work in the morning (rolled out of bed, taken a shower, done my hair, put on makeup, eaten breakfast, made lunch, etc.) that I could have spent half of my spoons for the day before I ever leave the house. It's quite a different way of living life isn't it?
Life is a blessing. Through Lyme and being faced with how to practically live life every day, I hope I take fewer things for granted. Having the energy to go out with friends is a gift. Having the energy to wash dishes after I get home from work is a gift. Having the energy to clean the house is a gift. Having the energy to stay up late is a gift.
Everything in life is a gift and I am grateful to be able to see through the lens of Lyme disease :)