Saturday, October 29, 2011


What is home? Home is where the heart is. Can your heart be in more than one place at once? I think so, because when I think of home, I feel like I have many. Charlotte will always be home to me, it is where I grew up, where the familiar is, where so many friends and family are, it is home. Ingersoll is also home, it is where I am a wife, I am Mrs. Boniface, a woman, not just a girl that many have known since childhood, it is where Matthew is, and wherever he is that will always be home. Capernwray is home, it is where I truly found myself and then gave myself back and chose to choose Christ over anything or anyone else no matter the consequences, it is where I learned in my heart that Christ is LIFE and there is nothing outside of Him. Heaven is home, it is my eternal home, where I will live in the presence of my heavenly Father forever when He chooses to take me there, and what a day that will be!

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Quiet in the midst of Chaos


What a lovely word. I love peace. I love the sense of well being I have when I am at peace. It is rest. It is Matthew 11:28 "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest." I long for rest, I long to "be Mary" and sit at my Father's feet and not "be Martha" who doesn't take the time to sit at her Father's feet. But alas life happens. The chaos. In this fast paced world where is peace? Rest? Where is the time to sit at the Father's feet? The time is waiting for me to stop, in the midst of the chaos and be quiet. To "be still and know that I am God" (Psalm 42:10). We are to be still and in the stillness we are to know that He is God.

On Sunday afternoon Matthew and I took time to sit at our Father's feet. He sat downstairs on our couch and I sat up on our bed, and we were still, quiet before our God. I read my Bible, I wrote down scriptures, like the ones above, to remind me of the stillness He calls me too. I prayed. And I was quiet. For anyone who knows me, you know that I love to talk. I can talk to just about anybody about just about anything, it's just who I am :) So for me to sit down and shut my mouth and quiet my mind is a big thing...but I did it, and it was wonderful. It was peaceful. For me I find peace in the will of God, and that is how I have chosen to decipher if I am in the will of God or not. I don't want to freak out or always worry about if I'm in the will of God. So I have decided to trust. God is not a God of confusion, He does not call us to a guessing game, He calls us to Himself. And He says if we seek Him we WILL find Him...and for me finding Him is peace. If I am truly seeking Him above everything and everyone else, He will reveal Himself. But if I am not looking I can miss Him time after time, because I wasn't willing to take the time to be still and know that He is God. So when I take the time to be still, I seek peace. I seek for the beating of my heart to slow and for that nervous feeling in my stomach to disappear. I seek to clear my mind and allow Him to speak into my heart, my life. I open my heart to my God and I ask for His will to be done and not my own...and then I wait. I wait for the stillness, for the quiet, for the peace. And it always comes, maybe not in that instant, but eventually, if I'm willing to wait and be patient (which can both be struggles for me!), whether for 5 minutes, 5 days or 5 months, eventually it always comes. Because when I truly give up my desires for this life, and actively seek His desires for this life, my perspective changes. I remember that this is His life that He has given me to live, not the other way around. My life is but a breath, a moment, in the grand scheme of things, so how am I going to let Him use the moment that He has given me? I will seek Him above all else, I will learn from my mistakes which I will undoubtedly make, and I will take the time to sit at my Father's feet. To be still, to find peace, and to be quiet in the midst of the chaos.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

What a Lovely Evening

With the hubby working late, what a lovely way to spend an evening...Curled up on the couch, peppermint tea steeping in my lovely little teapot with a mug already full, sweetened with honey, and Pride & Prejudice ready to take me away to another world while I wait for the arrival of my Mr. Darcy :)

Friday, October 7, 2011

A Thankful Heart

Tears...ibuprofin...more bath...and finally sleep. That was my night last night. I haven't ever had a migraine that bad. It was brutal, and, unfortunately, sucked all the life right out of me. I had been functioning a bit better these last few days, and then another set back. But I found a quote today that really convicted me:
Instead of looking at what you’re not doing, consider how you can do more good in what you are doing.
Now it took me a while to think of what good I could do while laying on the couch all day, but then I started thinking...I can pray. I can say thank you to my husband for being willing to get things for me so I don't have to get up and use the little energy I have left. I can not feel sorry for myself and be thankful that I was able to get up out of bed this morning (even though it was with a lot of help, at least I'm up right?).
Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.  ~  1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
The Lord placed this scripture upon my heart when I was at Capernwray two years ago. What a high calling! These verses have shown me an enlightening way of life. I'm realizing that finding things to be thankful for brings joy and as I'm focusing on the things I'm thankful for, I pray. Isn't it a beautiful picture? Joy. Now I do not consider joy as an empty happiness or smiling all the time, but rather a deeper experience. Happiness is so often based upon our circumstances. To me joy is a peaceful heart, a serenity that is discovered and lived out despite my circumstances; it is where faith and hope meet :) It is when I choose to see through where I am and acknowledge that God is bigger and greater than my "right now" circumstances. He has the bigger picture and I cannot wait to get to heaven and see how He chose to use me, even when I was on the couch. Because I believe that He is big enough and that anything is possible :)

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Remind Me...

Lately I've been thinking a lot about Psalm 23. Not intentionally really, it just keeps popping up in my mind, so I finally spent some time this morning reading and studying these familiar and yet powerful words:
The LORD is my shepherd,
I shall not want.
He makes me lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside quiet waters.
He restores my soul;
He guides me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I fear no evil, for You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You have anointed my head with oil;
My cup overflows.
Surely goodness and lovingkindness will follow me all the days of my life,
And I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.
Do I live out the Scriptures? Do I live out what I believe or do I express my faith with words alone rather actions? Words of course are important, but faith without actions is dead (James 2:17). Do I live my faith and not just speak of it? Do I live out the precious words above "I shall not want" "He restores my soul...For His name's sake" "I fear no evil, for You are with me" "My cup overflows" "Surely goodness and loving kindness will follow me all the days of my life"? I would love to say that I do, but so often I live in a state of always wanting more than I have, worrying or fearing what is to come and which kind of "evil" might be lurking around the corner waiting on me. How do I live out these beautiful promises? I believe it starts with understanding how great and good my LORD is. To take time to grasp that the God of the universe knows every intimate detail of my heart, He knows my failings and yet He loves me. He loves me! Do you realize how truly amazing that is? And not only does He love me, He wants to spend time with me, listen to me, interact with me, speak with me. How could I want more than that? I would definitely say with that knowledge my "cup is overflowing". So why don't I always feel like my cup is overflowing? Well first off faith is not a feeling, it is a choice that I have to make every day to believe in spite of my unbelief and in spite of not always feeling His presence with me. And I also try and fill up my cup with other things and I take my focus off of how great my God is and how He is the only One who can truly fill and overflow my cup. He is the only one who can fill the gaping hole inside of me. So today I will choose to let Him restore my soul, to overflow my cup and to acknowledge His greatness.

Thank You Jesus for my time with you this morning. Remind me of Your greatness, remind me of Your provision, of your goodness and lovingkindness. Remind me Father God. (Joshua 4:6&7)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


So many things vying for my attention...the dirty dishes still in the sink, the clothes needing to be washed, the boxes still waiting to be fully unpacked. Restless. My desire to always have a plan is waging war inside of me...what are you going to do about the dirty dishes, the laundry and the unpacked boxes waiting on you? What are you going to do about the house not being organized the way you want? What's your plan? What to-do list will you make to get back on track? Restless. There is always something pulling me away from the quiet. There is always something "more important", "more pressing" than sitting curled up on the couch, cozy underneath my fuzzy blanket with hands wrapped around my tea for extra warmth and being still, being quiet before the Lord.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
 As I sit here in my restlessness I am challenged with contentment no matter the circumstances. In want and in plenty, in joy and in sadness, in the rain shower and the sunshine, contentment. It is frustrating at times when I feel like I'm relearning lessons that I thought I'd already learned, but that seems to be how things go. I learn, I live, I get distracted, I relearn. And it repeats as many times as I need until I've learned my lesson in my head and my heart. I find I have a lot of head knowledge that doesn't always make it down to my heart the first time. Hence the relearning. Or maybe I'll always be learning what it means to be fully and completely content no matter my circumstances. Life changes, new circumstances arise, and there are adjustments to be made to being fully content. I get comfortable in life, and then He changes things up. I think He does it on purpose, how else would I fully know what contentment in all circumstances means if I don't experience "all" circumstances. I get comfortable with "being a Christian in Charlotte, North Carolina" then He rocks my world and off I go to Bible school in British Columbia, Canada. There I meet my husband, I get back to Charlotte, get comfortable again, and SURPRISE I'm moving to Canada. What?! Me, the person who is always cold is moving to Canada? Well yes, yes I am. I think the point is to get me out of my comfort zone, well I mean I know that, I know that when I get comfortable, I don't lean on Him and trust Him the way I do when I'm uncomfortable or establishing a new normal. But I've had lots of practice with "new normals" more with my health over the years than my location, though my location has thrown me a few curve balls over the last couple years. But you know what? They have been the best years of my life. Living in the presence of Jesus, knowing that He alone knows what tomorrow holds. Though that is always true I find that when life becomes predictable I conveniently forget that truth. I forget that I'm not really in control, but when I'm in the midst of the changes, I'm very aware of the fact that I am not in control. He is very faithful to remind me of that :) So now that I've gotten all my restlessness out, I am going to be still, and trust. I'm going to focus on contentment, and on living in the truth that I am not in control, that He is. That He will always provide and there is no need to worry...
 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
   “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34