I make lists for chores that need to be done around the house. I make lists for groceries and errands that need running. I make lists of what we need to do before we can buy a house, have a baby, etc. etc. etc. I seem to thrive on making lists (just ask my husband!).
And then this morning before heading off to church, I read this from the little book, Jesus Calling:
Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life. If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become.
There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on my Presence with you. This continual contact with Me will keep you in My Peace. Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My Presence).
Isaiah 26:3 & 2 Corinthians 4:18
Wow, these statements shot straight to my heart. How am I going to live without lists? Am I willing to trust God and to let Him make the lists? Honestly, I don't know.
I say that I trust God. I say that no matter what happens I know that His plan is perfect, and I truly believe that. But when it comes down to the choice of putting aside the lists that organize and secure my life, am I willing to give those up?
Yes I am. Lord my heart is willing but my flesh is weak, help me with my unbelief (Mark 9:24). I know that it's not going to be easy. I know that I will fall back into my "making lists for everything" addiction. But putting aside my lists is a real and active way for me to say "I trust You". To give up the control that I so desperately want but will never have and let my Leader lead.
I like to lead and I like to be in control. Not only in my relationship with God but also in my relationship with my husband. I want to let him lead, to be the man and husband the Lord has created him to be, but it's scary, because what if it's not the way I want? What if I think I could do better? Than I still must let go and let him lead. I will be with him every step of the way, but I will let him be my leader and my husband.
In my relationship with my husband I am ever so slowly learning that my ways are not always right or best and that for me to be in control goes outside of the Lord's design for our marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33).
God's ways are perfect and they are right, all the time, no exceptions (Romans 12:2). Those are hard words and encouraging words. In the midst of the muck and grime of life it can be hard to understand why this is perfect and right, but He didn't call us to understand, He called us to trust. To trust, in spite of our circumstances, that His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9).
I will choose to trust. To give up that unattainable control, let go of my lists, and let God be God.
The beginning of my 1000 gifts...
#97 ~ the spring breeze blowing through our opened windows
#98 ~ lazy afternoon spent with my husband
#99 ~ the taking off of the old self and putting on the new (2 Corinthians 5:17)
#100 ~ homemade cookies waiting to be put in the oven
#101 ~ choices...the opportunity to daily choose who I am and who I am going to be