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Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Restless...

So many things vying for my attention...the dirty dishes still in the sink, the clothes needing to be washed, the boxes still waiting to be fully unpacked. Restless. My desire to always have a plan is waging war inside of me...what are you going to do about the dirty dishes, the laundry and the unpacked boxes waiting on you? What are you going to do about the house not being organized the way you want? What's your plan? What to-do list will you make to get back on track? Restless. There is always something pulling me away from the quiet. There is always something "more important", "more pressing" than sitting curled up on the couch, cozy underneath my fuzzy blanket with hands wrapped around my tea for extra warmth and being still, being quiet before the Lord.
"Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
 As I sit here in my restlessness I am challenged with contentment no matter the circumstances. In want and in plenty, in joy and in sadness, in the rain shower and the sunshine, contentment. It is frustrating at times when I feel like I'm relearning lessons that I thought I'd already learned, but that seems to be how things go. I learn, I live, I get distracted, I relearn. And it repeats as many times as I need until I've learned my lesson in my head and my heart. I find I have a lot of head knowledge that doesn't always make it down to my heart the first time. Hence the relearning. Or maybe I'll always be learning what it means to be fully and completely content no matter my circumstances. Life changes, new circumstances arise, and there are adjustments to be made to being fully content. I get comfortable in life, and then He changes things up. I think He does it on purpose, how else would I fully know what contentment in all circumstances means if I don't experience "all" circumstances. I get comfortable with "being a Christian in Charlotte, North Carolina" then He rocks my world and off I go to Bible school in British Columbia, Canada. There I meet my husband, I get back to Charlotte, get comfortable again, and SURPRISE I'm moving to Canada. What?! Me, the person who is always cold is moving to Canada? Well yes, yes I am. I think the point is to get me out of my comfort zone, well I mean I know that, I know that when I get comfortable, I don't lean on Him and trust Him the way I do when I'm uncomfortable or establishing a new normal. But I've had lots of practice with "new normals" more with my health over the years than my location, though my location has thrown me a few curve balls over the last couple years. But you know what? They have been the best years of my life. Living in the presence of Jesus, knowing that He alone knows what tomorrow holds. Though that is always true I find that when life becomes predictable I conveniently forget that truth. I forget that I'm not really in control, but when I'm in the midst of the changes, I'm very aware of the fact that I am not in control. He is very faithful to remind me of that :) So now that I've gotten all my restlessness out, I am going to be still, and trust. I'm going to focus on contentment, and on living in the truth that I am not in control, that He is. That He will always provide and there is no need to worry...
 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?  Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?  Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?
   “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’  For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:25-34