"For by grace (a free gift that we do not deserve) you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast." - Ephesians 2:8&9
God is a master at heart work. At molding, breaking, shaping, creating.
Even amidst the muck and grime that is found in this heart of mine. With the dark and dirty corners, the dust hidden under rug in an attempt at making this place, this heart more presentable. But really, this heart is a mess, it is a human mess that can only be made new through Christ.
He sees me, all my mistakes, all my joys, all my fears, all my hopes, all my human plans. He sees all of me and chooses to step in and mold me. He takes my heart in his hand, like a Potter with a piece of clay (Jeremiah 18), and He begins to work.
He doesn't work based on my timing or my desires, but on His. He sees the struggles and joys of my life right now and in the future. The struggles and joys in the lives of those around me right now and in future. And He works them all together for His good.
Often I am confused, worried, wondering why this or why now. Why couldn't this have come later, or why can't this come now, or why did this ever have to come at all. But He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. He is asking for my faith to be unwavering in Him. He is asking for my trust.
Sometimes I want to give Him my trust. And other times I want to hold on to what I think I need and want. I don't want to want His way. I want to give into stubbornness and be selfish. I am such a child. It amazes me that He meets me right there, in that moment of selfishness and calls me to Himself. He reminds me of journey's we've been through together. He reminds me of times when I thought that I knew best, but I was wrong. He helps me remember who He is and who I am.
I am so grateful for this relationship. This God Man who chose to die for me that I might have a personal relationship with Him. How much He must love me I cannot fathom. It is truly an amazingly wondrous gift that I am, and will be, forever grateful for.
What does it mean to give glory to God...to bring glory to God...to let God get the glory for it all?
I don't know how to give God glory. I don't know how to take the focus off of myself and let it be all about Him. I don't know how to give Him the glory for my life, for my marriage, for the struggles and for the blessings.
I know that I am called to give Him the glory, but practically, daily, I have no idea what that looks like. I guess when you look at the definition, my favorite part is "worshipful thanksgiving". I think that is such a beautiful picture.
I envision dancing and singing. Hands and hearts raised to Heaven. Quiet moments of pure amazement at His greatness. Absolute awe in Who Christ is and what He has done. Speechless wonder that He would choose to love me.
Can you see it? The giving glory, the humility, the selflessness, the vulnerability, the offering up of life. It scares me and excites me all at the same time.
It reminds me of 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 - "Rejoice always,pray continually,give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus." It reminds me of Ann Voskamp and choosing to give thanks through 1000 gifts.
How do I live in His glory every day? How do I display His glory, His life? Do I complain or do say thanks? Do I grumble or do I praise Him in every circumstance? Honestly, I do more complaining and grumbling than offering up thanks and praise. That's the ugly, honest truth.
Thank the Lord for grace! I think we'd all be lost without it. I daily grab a hold of His grace with both hands and pray that it keeps me from scraping up my knees too badly with my stumbling. What a Savior. To hold me and carry me through the stumbling and complaining and offer grace. That is love.
Jesus thank You.
For grace upon grace.
For love.
For Your sacrifice upon the cross that gives Life.
For carrying me.
For walking with me and never leaving me or forsaking me.
For listening.
For the simple blessings like hot chocolate and whipped cream.
For the intricate blessings like marriage and friendship.
For music that pierces the heart.
For words the stop you in your tracks.
For kindred spirits.
For quiet moments to reflect and rejoice in Who You are.
Genesis 1:1 - "In the beginning God [Elohim, All Powerful]." That's what it all comes down too...
Exodus 6 - "Go." You can't stay where you are and go with God.
Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the Lord." In whom does my heart delight?
Matthew 5:13 & 14- "You are the salt of the earth...you are the light of the world." I am...there's no ifs, ands or buts about it. I am, we are, the salt and the light.
Ephesians 3:17-19 - "So that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith; and that you, being rooted and grounded in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the breadth and length and height and depth, and to know [have experience] the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge, that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God." To know, to [have] experience[ed], the love of Christ, and then to live in light of that knowledge.
Colossians 3:15-17 - "Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word [expression] of Christ richly dwell within you, with all wisdom teach and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God. Whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name [the character] of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through Him to God the Father." Stop holding back. Let go and let God.
Sometimes it's the little words...let...go...know...you are...that can stop us in our tracks. Sometimes it's the words that we hear all the time...light...peace...thanks...love...that can take your breath away if you let them.
Sometimes all it takes is closing your eyes, and being still, for words that you've heard a thousand times to wash over you anew. Sometimes when we stop, and be still, is when God gets loud. And sometimes the quiet ebbs on and God never gets loud and it seems so eerily quiet. And sometimes that's ok.
"Sometimes He calms the storm and sometimes He calms His child."
Sometimes we have to be ok for the world to be raging all around us and to find peace in the only place that it can truly be found, at the feet of Christ. Sometimes we are blessed with quiet moments and days when hours with Jesus are what fills our days. Either way...God is good. In the calm and in the storm, God is good.
Grace, thankfulness, joy...are here for the taking. Peace, patience, gentleness...are waiting to be chosen. Love, above all else love, is always overflowing if I will but partake.
He is waiting, waiting in the wings to be chosen, to be given back the life that He so freely gave for me. When I hold back, thinking I can live in my own strength, my fountain of life runs dry because He cannot fill what I have decided to try and fill myself. I must empty myself of all that I think I know, and let Him fill me with everything that He is.
Father God, You are wonderful. You are gracious. You are loving. You are good. Thank You for your peace that surpasses all understanding. Thank You for never changing. Thank You for Your love that knows no boundaries. Thank You that in the calm and in the storm You are there. Amen [let it be].
My fingers stumble, they stumble over these keys. Not knowing how to bring forth the thoughts that can't seem to make their way on paper...or onto this screen. They twist and turn inside my brain and I can't seem to form the thoughts that so desperately need to be poured out.
About love, about life. About faith, about failure. About grace, about hope. About God, about Satan.
"Put on the full armor of God...for our struggle is not against flesh and blood...but against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places."
Ephesians 6:11 & 12
Satan strives so hard to rob us of the life that Christ calls us to live. Whatever angle he can find, he goes after it with a vengeance, just to pull us a little bit farther away from LIFE, from God, from Jehovah.
And yet in that moment, when we feel the pull of the devil, all we have to do is cling to the One that has already won the battle of that moment, and every battle before and after that moment. Unfortunately that is easier said than done. Why? Because we choose to believe Satan's lies, just like Adam and Eve did in the garden, rather than cling to the life giving promises of our Almighty God.
I have always had a hard time with hope. I want to cling to it with all my heart and yet at the same time I want to run as far away as possible. Because I have always seen hope as relative. But I was challenged several weeks ago to see hope as what I know will happen because it has been promised. To hope that God is good, because He is. To hope that His plan is perfect, because it is. To hope in His love, because He is love. To hope in His molding of me, because He is the Potter and I am the clay. These are truths, promised by a God that never fails. I can hope in that.
I cannot begin to imagine my life without this hope. Without the love of my Savior. Without His forgiveness that I daily seek. Without His grace and mercy that are poured over my weary soul before I even know I am in need. Without His patience that I seem to push to it's limit (though there are none) at every opportunity.
Father God, I am grateful and so very humbled by Your grace. By Your desire to pursue me. How You long to mold me into the woman You long for me to be. May my heart be open and willing to be challenged and moved by Your touch and direction. I am Yours. May You be seen in me. Let Your light, Your peace, Your life shine through me. Amen.
Well apparently, before the iphone I didn't really take many pictures. So the first half of this year is mostly picture-less.
Summer 2012
Shooting guns at the Baigent's...Nannying for the Martin's...Charlotte Visit...Ezra is finally home!!!!...Coffee invades my life, with lots of cream and sugar...4H
Late Summer/Fall 2012
Our 1 year Anniversary of being in the same country (year and a half of being married)...Joe & Victoria get engaged...Job at Compassion Canada...Snow...Surprise American Thanksgiving
Late Fall/Early Winter 2012
Joe & Victoria get married...Capernwray breakfast...Charlotte for Christmas...Snow, Canada's welcome home present...New Year's Eve
The eternal God, the Lord, the Creator of the ends of the earth,
doesn’t grow tired or become weary.
His understanding is beyond reach.
He gives strength to those who grow tired
and increases the strength of those who are weak.
Even young people grow tired and become weary,
and young men will stumble and fall.
Yet, the strength of those who wait with hope in the Lord
will be renewed.
They will soar on wings like eagles.
They will run and won’t become weary.
They will walk and won’t grow tired.
Isaiah 40:27 - 31
I want to cling to these promises this morning but I'm barely hanging on. Today is a day where in all honesty I just want to give up. I want to throw in the towel, curl up
in bed and not even try. It's true. The self pity and the doubt are
closing in and I just want to give in. I want to believe all the lies
that Satan is feeding me because they're much easier to believe than the
Truth that is found in these scriptures.
Why is this a good thing? Why is being home going on 5 days good? Why is this part of His plan? The answers to these questions elude me. But the promises above I know to be true to the depth of my soul. He is good. His plan is good. He loves me with an everlasting love. A love that I can never hope to fathom. I am not alone. He is always with me. I have never and will never walk through this life alone.
Sometimes I just have to say the words, even if my heart is lagging behind in belief at the time. It's frustrating to find myself here. Here in this struggle of living out what I say I believe. It's so discouraging when I'm faced with life and I come up short on faith. When I find myself here, I think of how disappointed the Lord must be with me. Wondering why, after all this time is His child still struggling.
But the more I read scripture the more I see people just like me. Falling and failing, then coming back to the Lord and starting the process all over again. Abraham, David, Saul/Paul. These great men of the Bible, who I always picture as having perfect faith and such strong spiritual journey's, they made mistakes. They failed, they lied, they murdered, they committed adultery, they sinned, just like every other person on the planet. But they had faith, great faith in the midst of the muck and grime of the sins in this life.
I want this. This great faith. This faith that gives it all to the Lord and says, "I don't have it all together, I don't know why life is the way it is, but I trust You to handle it. And when I don't, and I try and live life on my own, I'll come back with a broken heart all for You." Because it's true, all of it.
Lord Jesus, You know my heart. You know my struggles, my hurts, my joys and my fears. Thank You for taking me just as I am, broken and battered, yet strong in the light of Your abundant grace. This body is weak, and yet You made it in Your image. I truly do not understand, but I cling to the promise that You're not through with me yet. Strengthen this physical body in Your own way and Your own time. Please grant me patience as I struggle in the waiting. Build my faith Father. You told the disciples to ask for more faith, so here I am, may You increase my faith. Thank You that You always leave a remnant of hope. You are good and I will cling to You and Your promises with all of my heart no matter what may come.
Stay close by My side,
Keep your eyes on Me,
Though this life is hard,
I will give you perfect peace,
In this time of trial,
Pain that no one sees,
Trust me when I say,
I will give you perfect peace,
And you'll never walk alone,
And you'll never be in need,
Though I may not calm the storms around you,
You can hide in Me,
Burdens that you bear,
Offer no relief,
Let Me bear your load,
Cause I will give you perfect peace,
Stay close by My side,
And you'll never walk alone,
Keep your eyes on Me,
And you will never be in need,
Though this life is hard, Know that I will always give you perfect peace,
I will give you perfect peace...
Life. It has its ups and downs. Its times of making sense and confusion. Its time of peace and turmoil. Life is a journey. I am grateful for the journey. I am grateful for a Savior who knows every step of my journey, those that have passed and are yet to come.
What a wonderful comfort to know that nothing ever takes our Lord by surprise. He is All-Knowing and His plan is always perfect. This brings a smile to my face every time I think about it. What a wonderful God!
Today is a day of music and song. Of reflection on Who Christ is no matter where life takes us.
Restless ~ Audrey Assad
You dwell in the songs that we are singing,
Rising to the Heavens, rising to Your heart, Your heart.
Our praises filling up the spaces
In between our frailty and everything You are
You are the keeper of my heart
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
Oh God, I wanna rest in You
Oh, speak now for my soul is listening
Say that You have saved me, whisper in the dark, the dark.
'Cause I know You're more than my salvation
Without you I am hopeless, tell me who You are
You are the keeper of my heart
You are the keeper of my heart
And I'm restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You
I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You, Oh
I wanna rest in You
Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear, a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
Still my heart, hold me close
Let me hear, a still small voice
Let it grow, let it rise
Into a shout, into a cry
And I am restless, I'm restless
'Til I rest in You, let me rest in You
And I am restless, so restless
'Til I rest in You, 'til I rest in You, Oh God
Let me rest in You.
My heart has been overwhelmed with life recently. I feel like I have been existing more than I have been living. I have been focusing on the outward life more than the inward life. Appearances more than heart.
My heart is in need of Life. Of Living Water that fulfills and overflows. I am grateful for the opportunity to take time and pour out my starving heart to my Father. I am grateful for open arms that have been waiting while I've been floundering in living life in my own strength.
What love. What grace. What peace. What joy. What rest. What hope. What perfection is found in Christ. Everything that I can ever need or desire is fulfilled in Christ.
There is Nothing ~ Laura Story
Lord I come before You
To honor and adore You
For who You are and all that You have done
Lord I am not worthy
My heart is dark and dirty
Still somehow You bid for me to come
So clothe me in humility
Remind me, that I come before a King
And there is nothing
There is nothing
More precious, more worthy
May I gaze deeper
May I stand longer
May I press onward to know You Lord
May our time be sweeter
May I be a keeper
Of the promises I make to You in song
Lord may I remember these moments of surrender
And live my life this way from this day on So clothe me in humility
Remind me, that I come before a King
And there is nothing
There is nothing
More precious, more worthy
May I gaze deeper
May I stand longer
May I press onward to know You Lord
So clothe me in humility
Remind me...that I come before a King
And there is nothing
There is nothing
More precious, more worthy
May I gaze deeper
May I stand longer
May I press onward to know You Lord
May I press onward to know You Lord
Jesus thank You for bestowing Your grace upon me today. Thank for the opportunity to be filled with You; for time of rest and time of productivity. Thank You that You know me. Thank You for taking me as I am. Thank You for Your lovingkindness. Thank You that You love me too much to let me stay the way I am. Thank You for working in my heart and my life to mold me and make me into the woman that You desire me to be. I love You so much. You astound me. I am in awe of all that You are. May I not get distracted in life and loose sight of the wonder and awe of You. May I remember You in all things. You are Life. You are Jehovah. You are Savior. You are God. Thank You for blessing me today with such sweet time. Amen.
