Goodbye Canada...Hello Charlotte

There are so many conflicting thoughts and emotions as I type those words. 

I love Charlotte. It was my home for 22 years. It's where I grew up. It's where my family is. It's where my warm days are. It's where Spring and Fall are glorious and long. It's where there's central air conditioning anywhere you go. It's where Chickfila is (and sweet tea of course!). 

But I've grown to love Canada too. I have built and married into family here. It's where hot tea and coffee and cozy blankets await. It's where Compassion is. It's where the clouds amaze me. It's where our life, as a married couple, has grown. It's where we've created memories together. 

And oh the changes that have brought us to this decision to move to Charlotte! Where to begin...married life? Lyme? Canada? Charlotte? Work? Moving? Separation? 

I guess the beginning is always the best place to start, though it is so hard to decipher where the beginning truly lies. We haven't even been married for 3 years yet, and the journey's we have travelled together blow my mind. It has been a very difficult road that we have been on. Every marriage is unique, as there are two unique people in each marriage, that would make sense right? Well, ours has been a very difficult first few years. We've been through immigration, and therefore physical separation (and now we're going to do it again). We've been through relational walls, miscommunication, non existent communication, and technology run "relationship". We've laughed and we've cried, a lot. We've gotten it right and we've gotten it wrong, a lot. We've wondered what we've gotten ourselves into and we've rejoiced in where we are and who we're with. We've been ready to throw in the towel and we've been committed to each other and to our vows to one another and to the Lord. To think it hasn't even been 3 years yet doesn't even seem possible with all that has transpired. But through all the many ups and the many, many downs. The Lord has been so gracious. He has restored. He has blessed our relationship. He has brought us closer than I ever thought possible. He has changed our hearts as individuals and as a couple. He has brought us to our knees and held us close. He is truly an amazing God and He can truly rescue and redeem anything! How do you say thank you for such a gift? All I know is that I can't seem to stop smiling and rejoicing in my loving Savior and the husband that He has truly blessed me with. I am grateful and excited for our future together...oh our God is great!

And then there's Lyme, that has seen fit to take over my (and consequently our) life over the last few months. I haven't been really healthy since moving to Canada over 2 years ago, but the last year has brought things pretty low in the health department. It is so hard, as I sit here on the couch, barely able to type out this post because it requires so much precious energy. It is hard to want to invest in those here as I prepare to move back down to Charlotte. It is hard to have to leave my incredible job at Compassion and all those I have come to love so dearly there. It is hard to try and pack up a life in one country to move it to another all while hardly having the energy to walk up and down the stairs. But it is amazing the "bursts" of energy that come when I need them most. How gracious the Lord is to give my husband the dedication and servants' heart to come home from a long days work to wash the dishes and vacuum the stairs (as well as the rest of the house!). And how blessed I feel to not have enough time and energy to be able to spend with all of the incredible people that He has placed in my life over the past 2 years. It's truly an incredible gift to have so many people that have touched my life so deeply in such a short amount of time. 

So through it all, through marriage, through Lyme, through moving, through long distance friendships and marriage, God is good. He is gracious. He is kind. He is in control and nothing ever takes Him by surprise. 

For those who we will be "leaving behind" in Canada. We love you, and I will back to visit over the next few months as we enter into a long distance marriage once again. And to those who we're "coming back too" in Charlotte, we're excited to see you again and to build relationship with you as a couple :)

Overflowing Blessings

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

When I look back at this week I am amazed to see such a contrast between the valley and the anointing. This week has felt long. I haven't worked at all and the days just seem to drag on and on when you're unable to get out of bed. And yet, this morning I have tears in my eyes as I look at all the blessings that have come from this week.

~ Matthew started his job at Wal-Mart ~ I had visits from Christine, Juanita & Shelley ~ Juanita and RoseMary stocked my fridge with amazing gluten free meals and snacks ~ we had a lovely evening of fellowship with Ted and Sharon last night ~ there are now lovely purple orchids on my dresser, another blessing from RoseMary ~

And there are more blessings to come as I look ahead...

~ Victoria, Joe, Daniel, Dustin and Luke are all coming over this evening ~ And I leave on Monday to go and stay with Amanda and Michael over the next couple of weeks to help in my recovery ~ 

And of course there have been more through phone calls, emails, blogs, books and #shereadstruth in 1 Peter this week. These blessings that often come from others that do not know the heart and physical struggles that are my everyday life, and each one breathes life and hope into this heart of mine.  

It is amazing as I look at the struggles that are overwhelmingly before Matthew and me. Satan is working hard for the desire to wallow in doubt to win out, and yet the Lord is victorious! We are in a spiritual battle with the Evil one who so desperately wants to distract and overwhelm so that all we can see is our insurmountable circumstances. But our God is bigger, He is greater, He is All-Powerful, He is Provider, He is the King of Kings, He is Comforter, and He is Abba. He is everything that we could ever need and more. Our focus has to move away from circumstances and onto our Heavenly Father.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love [Him], to those who are called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

Real Life {It All Starts With Thanksgiving}

"...and He took the seven loaves and the fish; and giving thanks, He broke them and started giving them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. And they all ate and were satisfied..."

Matthew 15:36-37

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will if profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Matthew 16:24-26

Jesus' rode wasn't easy. He didn't have a "cake walk" during his years spent here on earth, and so why should we expect our lives to be any different? Or when we experience hard times, why does that make us wonder if God is really there? Christ came to this earth to suffer and then commanded us to "pick up our own cross and follow Him". I would say those words should make us expect the hard times, the times when we don't understand why, and the struggles that come our way.

And yet what is our attitude during those difficult times when we find ourselves face to face with uncertainty? When the spiritual decisions we feel the Lord is calling us to war against the practical and earthly mindset of our every daily lives? When stepping out in faith isn't a little thing, but something that looks impossible/stupid/insurmountable when we look at what lays before us through our human eyes rather than looking into the unknown and the uncertainty through the eyes of faith. I would have to say that my attitude isn't always the best. In reality, it pretty much stinks!

I am definitely the one to look at everything in a practical sense. "Well if we do this than that will happen, so therefore we can't do that. But if we do this than that might happen and that could be good or bad but I can't guarantee anything so we probably shouldn't do that either..." And I could go on and on. This is the reality of my brain. I want to have a detailed plan that ensures that everything is going to work out fine. I want to be responsible. I want to look put together on the outside even if I'm a hot mess on the inside. 

The Lord has been challenging me A LOT recently through the many uncertainties that He has brought into my life over the last several months. And yet through this time He has also brought people into my life to speak words of encouragement and conviction that He is using to mold my heart and my mind to be open to His leading no matter what that looks like. He has used friends and family here in Ingersoll as well as back in Charlotte. He has used women I have never met but who I feel are walking with me through this journey by their willingness to sharing their words through a computer screen or through the books piled on my nightstand...

~ Ann Voskamp ~

"That which I refuse to thank Christ for, I refuse to believe Christ can redeem."

 How to Live Through the Really Hard Storms

"And I’ve felt Him say to me in the deepest part of my heart, the part I sometimes let get too covered up, “You are so much harder on yourself than I am.”

I am. I’m hard on myself. I get caught up in the comparison game and feel like everyone is loving better, living more purposefully, doing more significant things and, essentially, blooming so much better than me.

I give other people the benefit of the doubt, but I never give myself that same grace. And that’s what God has been whispering over me.

Grace."

The Light of His Grace

Emily P Freeman ~ Grace for the Good Girl

Sarah Young ~ Jesus Calling

Each of these individuals have touched my heart deeply. God has used their words to bring me to a breaking point where I acknowledge that I want to be in control, I want to do what's right (and what other people think is right), I care about what other's think and it can sometimes rule my decision making. All these hidden heart attitudes, and more, that the Lord is bringing to light so that He can draw me closer to Himself. He is convicting me of my lack of faith in my God and in my husband, because I am not willing to let go so that they together, as the head of our house and our life can lead me. I'm just too scared as to what that might look like, but I am learning to let go, because letting go is all that I have left...

So, this might cause you to wonder what uncertainties would bring me through all this heart struggling? Well Matthew has been looking for a job since November of 2012 and until last week was unable to find anything. Thankfully last week he was able to get a part time job at Wal-Mart which we are both so grateful for! During the time that he was looking for a job my health also began to decline. I had to start pulling out of commitments that I had made (like being a youth leader and attending small group through our church) and my life began to consist of going to work, trying to sleep as much as possible, and hoping to make it to church every Sunday (which didn't always happen). But over the last several weeks my health has taken a drastic dip downward so that I am now having to take time off of work to  allow my body the time it needs to heal.

During this time of healing and recovery we will be living on the part-time hours that Matthew will be working at Wal-Mart . This of course put my overactive, everything has to make sense, we need a plan, brain into a major freak out session! I cried, asked God why, I ranted, I threw up my hands in an overwhelming "I don't know anything" motion. And He has answered. Not my questions mind you, He has answered by reminding me Who He is. He has been patient through my freak out session (ok, lets be honest, there's been more than one!) and has shown up in a mighty way. He hasn't changed our circumstances, and He hasn't made anything more clear in human terms. But He has bombarded me with the Truth about Who He is, what He is capable of, and what He has brought me through in the past and what He has brought others through. 

He is faithful. I know this to be true. He is now giving me the opportunity to live out what I say that I believe. And it is my choice to take Him up on it. It is my choice to say, "Ok, You are God and I am not. You love me more than I could possibly imagine. And You, not me, You are in control." Now the question is, will I trust Him, really truly trust Him with every single "I don't know" detail that we are faced with?

Yes. I will trust Him. Though I will fail, though I will let myself get overwhelmed when I look at the reality of what He is asking us to do, I come back with a broken and battered heart and lay it all at His feet once again. And I will trust Him.

Real Life {The Struggle of Time}

What do you do when you don't feel that there is enough time? When the laundry is all separated in your room waiting to go from the floor to the washer. When the dirty dishes scattered around the house are waiting for soupy water and a sponge. When you have that ring around the tub that is begging to be sparkly clean again.

These days time feels stretched. I can either get two things done half way or one thing done well. Or struggle over which option to attempt and never actually get anything done at all.

Time is so precious. I want a clean house; but I want to have a relationship with my husband. I want to build relationships with friends; but I need to deepen my relationship with the Lord. I want to invest in so many amazing opportunities; but I need to have time to breathe and not over commit.

Time. You baffle me. We are always dancing. Leading and following one another and hoping we don't step on each others toes.

Tonight I did two things well. What a blessing. I had wonderful time with my Savior, and there is one load of laundry in the dryer and one load in the washer. It makes my heart sing :)

And yet it is hard to not focus on the loads that are still waiting. The dishes and tub that need cleaning. The floors that need sweeping and mopping. I have a choice to be grateful or to be resentful; to rejoice despite the mess, or to despair in spite of the mess.

I want to choose to be grateful and to rejoice for what has been done. I want to choose joy. I want to choose grace. I can bestow grace on others, why can't I bestow grace upon myself? Why is it ok if others do not get to their housework but if mine goes undone it is the end of the world?

Grace. May I never forget, to truly bestow grace on others I must first bestow it to myself. For I cannot love another as myself until I truly love myself. I must see myself through Christ's eyes. I am beloved. I am daughter. I am precious. I am princess. I am His.

When I choose to not forgive my shortcomings and bestow grace on my circumstances, I refuse the love that the Lord freely gives to me. I say no to Christ's sacrifice on the cross. I belittle His death and put myself above His grace.

Father, please forgive me for thinking too highly of myself. For thinking that I could ever be above Your grace. Thank you so much for Your sacrifice. May I bask in the wonder of your grace. May I simply say "thank You". Grant me a spirit of humility. May I reflect Philippians 2 and the attitude of Christ that He showed while He was on earth. May I daily accept Your grace. I long for You to increase and for me to decrease. Be glorified in me. Amen - let it be.

To Love Another

   Love never gives up {is patient}.
   Love cares more for others than for self {is kind}.
   Love doesn't want what it doesn't have {is not jealous or envious of others}.
   Love doesn't strut {is not proud or boastful},
   Doesn't have a swelled head {is not arrogant},
   Doesn't force itself on others {is not rude},
   Isn't always "me first" {does not think of itself or demand its own way},
   Doesn't fly off the handle {is not irritable or easily angered},
   Doesn't keep score of the sins of others {keeps no record of wrongs},
   Doesn't revel when others grovel {does not delight in evil},
   Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth {but rejoices in truth},
   Puts up with anything {never gives up and never stops being patient},
   Trusts God always {always trusts, never loses faith and never stops believing},
   Always looks for the best {is always hopeful},
   Never looks back,
   But keeps going to the end {never gives up and endures through every circumstance}. 

Love never dies {never fails}.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8a 

Love is a high calling. Love is hard. Love requires constant thought and intentionality toward another. Love is selfless and pure...which I am not, and yet God calls me {selflessly and in purity of heart} to love, what's up with that? 

Love is like a mirror. How you love shows you your heart, and often times my heart is not pretty or pure or selfless. Often I "love" so that I can get something out of it. I "love" the way I want to be loved not how the other person needs to be loved. I am selfish in my loving, so is that really love at all?

Love hurts because when we put someone else's needs before our own sometimes our own needs can go unmet because true love is not focused on ourselves but on another.

Do not hesitate to love and to love deeply. As you love deeply the ground of your heart will be broken more and more, but you will rejoice in the abundance of the fruit it will bear.

Henri Nouwen 

But through the hurt and brokenness of love, we will bear fruit. Not that love isn't beautiful and wonderful and very fulfilling at times, but love is not what we see in the movies or in books. Love is not picture perfect and it is not easy. Love takes work, and rather than focusing on what we are not receiving from the one we are trying to love and what they need to do in order to love us better, we must look into our own hearts and see what the Lord is trying to teach us about ourselves and how we can better love the other.

Love is a calling to selflessness, which is often not "fun" and can plant seeds of bitterness if we are not careful. How do we love when we do not feel loved in that moment? We have to stop focusing on ourselves, what we "need", what we want, what we "deserve".

Check out this video called Sex Marriage & Fairytales. 

I am to be fulfilled in my relationship with Christ. My husband will never be able to fill the "Christ hole" in my heart just like I will never be able to fill the "Christ hole" in his heart. We are both sinful and fallen people, desperately trying to love one another in the midst of our sinfulness...talk about a recipe for confusion and misunderstanding. How are two fallen people to love each other perfectly? Well, we never will. We try, but we will always fail in one way or another. So we must learn to struggle together through our sinful and selfish desires, to share our desire to love one another in the way that they need but also to share how we each would feel loved by the other. 

I have heard it said that marriage is not a 50%/50% relationship where the husband gives 50% and in return the wife gives 50%, but rather it is a 100%/100% relationship. We each are called to give and love and cherish the other 100% of the time, no matter how much we feel loved by the other at the time. If love is selfless it means that it cannot be dictated by how we feel, but it is a conscious choice to love in spite of our circumstances, whether good or bad. 

Marriage has been such a beautiful gift. I believe I have grown more in these last 16 months than I ever have, because I have seen the depths of my heart through the eyes of another and I have seen the depths of my heart in how I choose to treat my husband. Marriage is deep. There is a depth in a relationship between husband and wife that I never new existed until I experienced it. It is beautifully unique and delicate, and at the same time it is full of Godly strength. Marriage is a gift unlike any other. It is not something you receive and can only take from, you must give all of yourself to it, freely and without limitations. 

But for right now...we have three things to do...Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love.

1 Corinthians 13:13 

There Will Never Be Another You

There will never be another you. God does not create us with different sets of cookie cutters thinking, "Oh I liked this one last time so lets give it another go!" Rather, "[God] made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb." Psalm 139:13. There will never be another you.

I have been thinking about this a lot and how this should affect how I live my life. Instead of trying to be a cookie cutter, I want to strive to be the 'me' that God had in mind when He purposefully and intricately created me. There is a reason that I am 5'8" and not 5'5", pale skinned and not olive skinned; that I tend to be cold and not hot, and there is a reason that I have Lyme disease and am not a healthy energetic woman. There is purpose behind everything that the Lord does, and I truly want to believe this so deeply that it changes how I live.

Recently I've been reading a lot of marriage blogs, articles and books looking for the guidelines and step-by-step process for 'the perfect marriage'. Not perfect as in flawless, but perfect as in, 'How many dates should we go on per week/month?' 'How long do we wait until we have kids?' 'What is the right amount of money that we should have in the bank account?' etc. etc. etc. I think what my heart is really asking is, 'What is the right formula?!?'

Guess what, there is no formula. I am unique, there has never been and never will be another me; my husband is unique, there has never been and never will be another him. So how in the world can I expect there to be a formula for us? Another couple may have figured out what works for them, but that same process will not work for us because we are uniquely us. It's really beautiful if I stop and think about it rather than focusing on the fact I have nothing to check off on my to-do list.

My 'formula' is found in Ephesians 5:21-33 where it is said, 'So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.'

Just because so-and-so got married and had kids right away doesn't mean that we should do the same. And if our friends bought a house right after their wedding, it doesn't mean that we've failed at marriage because we've been married over a year and still don't own a home. We are not here to copy other people, rather we are here to be uniquely us and figure out what that means in the Lord's timing. 

I am learning this same lesson when it comes to being a woman. When I see someone with a cute hair cut, outfit, kid, car, pair of shoes, house, great book collection, a fantastic singing voice, toned body, or great writing skills, I crave it. I want it. I covet it. Bad, bad, bad. Seriously?!? Have I forgotten those words spoken from Mt. Sinai, 'You shall not covet'? That is a commandment, am I into ignoring commandments now? Is that the kind of woman I want to be, no!
 
But it's just so hard isn't it, when you see something that is just out of your reach, and in comes Satan weaving his lies into your head and your heart, watering the seed of want. 

I want to be a woman who wants God above all else. To seek Him in the midst of my coveting heart crying out, 'Lord, cleanse me, wash me of these selfish desires that keep me far from them, rescue me!'

Rather than trying to find a checklist for a great marriage, a great exercise plan, or the right amount of chores to do each day, I want to seek Him with all my heart and let Him fill me. I want to stop searching for other people and things to fill the Jesus whole in my heart. Whether that be my husband, my friends, our bank account, when to have kids, when to buy a house, when to get a second car...I want to want Jesus above it all.

So God here I am, crying out 'Abba Father!' and asking you to renew my mind and focus my heart attitude on you. Thank you so much for your patience with me as I seek you and then once again, give in to my selfish desires and turn away from you. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness that you freely offer to your children. 

Today, I choose you, whatever comes Jesus, I choose you.

Checklists

Are you a list person? Someone who likes to make lists, lots of lists, to be able to check everything off and therefore feel like you are being productive? I am.

I make lists for chores that need to be done around the house. I make lists for groceries and errands that need running. I make lists of what we need to do before we can buy a house, have a baby, etc. etc. etc. I seem to thrive on making lists (just ask my husband!).

And then this morning before heading off to church, I read this from the little book, Jesus Calling:

Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life. If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace. But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list. The harder you try, the more frustrated you become.

There is a better way to find security in this life. Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on my Presence with you. This continual contact with Me will keep you in My Peace. Moreover, I will help  you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not. Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My Presence).

Isaiah 26:3 & 2 Corinthians 4:18

Wow, these statements shot straight to my heart. How am I going to live without lists? Am I willing to trust God and to let Him make the lists? Honestly, I don't know.

I say that I trust God. I say that no matter what happens I know that His plan is perfect, and I truly believe that. But when it comes down to the choice of putting aside the lists that organize and secure my life, am I willing to give those up?

Yes I am. Lord my heart is willing but my flesh is weak, help me with my unbelief (Mark 9:24). I know that it's not going to be easy. I know that I will fall back into my "making lists for everything" addiction. But putting aside my lists is a real and active way for me to say "I trust You". To give up the control that I so desperately want but will never have and let my Leader lead. 

I like to lead and I like to be in control. Not only in my relationship with God but also in my relationship with my husband. I want to let him lead, to be the man and husband the Lord has created him to be, but it's scary, because what if it's not the way I want? What if I think I could do better? Than I still must let go and let him lead. I will be with him every step of the way, but I will let him be my leader and my husband.

In my relationship with my husband I am ever so slowly learning that my ways are not always right or best and that for me to be in control goes outside of the Lord's design for our marriage (Ephesians 5:21-33). 

God's ways are perfect and they are right, all the time, no exceptions (Romans 12:2). Those are hard words and encouraging words. In the midst of the muck and grime of life it can be hard to understand why this is perfect and right, but He didn't call us to understand, He called us to trust. To trust, in spite of our circumstances, that His ways are higher than our ways (Isaiah 55:9).

I will choose to trust. To give up that unattainable control, let go of my lists, and let God be God.

The beginning of my 1000 gifts...

#97 ~ the spring breeze blowing through our opened windows

#98 ~ lazy afternoon spent with my husband

#99 ~ the taking off of the old self and putting on the new (2 Corinthians 5:17)

#100 ~ homemade cookies waiting to be put in the oven

#101 ~ choices...the opportunity to daily choose who I am and who I am going to be

The Beautfiul Journey of Marriage

"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."

1 Corinthians 13

Matthew and I celebrated our one year anniversary about a week and a half ago and I was reflecting on these verses that were read at our wedding ceremony. They have always spoken to me and challenged me and I have struggled to live them out in my daily life for as long as I can remember. And yet Love is not just an action, it is a Person, and I must step back and allow the Love that is Christ overflow from myself rather than trying to love on my own. I cannot love, I am a selfish being and love is an unselfish act and attitude. Only through Christ living in and through me will love be displayed through my life. This love will cast out fear (1 John 4:18), it is a safe haven, it is home. What a beautiful place to call home, what a wonderful attitude to rest in, to be found surrounded in this Love. And yet to live out love is hard. It means putting aside my selfish heart that rears its ugly head and giving of myself unconditionally for another, for my husband. 

I have learned so much about myself over the past year. Living with another person really brings to light your selfish side and your many failings that you might have been able to ignore and hide before. Matthew has taught me so much about myself, he has opened my eyes to areas of sin in my life and through God's grace I am giving them over to my Savior. Marriage has brought me closer to the Lord, through the struggles and joys I have come to know Matthew and my Savior more deeply...it has been a truly beautiful experience. It is hard, it stretches and molds, it breaks and rebuilds, it sheds light on places that you didn't even know needed light and then you are faced with a choice. Will I let God mold me, rebuild me? Will I let Him use my marriage to teach me about Himself? Will I let Him chisel away even when it hurts and it's hard? Will I seek Him above all else and rest in His provision or will I expect Matthew to fulfill every need knowing that in doing so I am setting him up for failure because only God can fulfill every desire and every need of my heart? Matthew is my husband, he is not and can never be my god. Matthew is the man the Lord designed for me, created for me, we are one. And yet without Christ at the center and permeating every aspect of our marriage we are nothing, we are nothing without Christ. He is what holds us together, what draws us closer to one another, He is what we are to seek above anything and anyone else. He is our Guiding Light, our Provider, our Comforter. He is our LORD, our life, He is Jehovah. 

This is a song that I have heard several times over the years, but this past weekend was the first time that I've heard it since we got married so I thought I would share it with you. It is a duet by Newsong & Natalie Grant, When God Made You.

Happy Valentine's Day my darling husband. I love you so much!