Overflowing Blessings

Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me beside still waters.

He restores my soul.

He leads me in paths of righteousness

for his name's sake.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil,

for you are with me;

your rod and your staff,

they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me

in the presence of my enemies;

you anoint my head with oil;

my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me

all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord

forever.

When I look back at this week I am amazed to see such a contrast between the valley and the anointing. This week has felt long. I haven't worked at all and the days just seem to drag on and on when you're unable to get out of bed. And yet, this morning I have tears in my eyes as I look at all the blessings that have come from this week.

~ Matthew started his job at Wal-Mart ~ I had visits from Christine, Juanita & Shelley ~ Juanita and RoseMary stocked my fridge with amazing gluten free meals and snacks ~ we had a lovely evening of fellowship with Ted and Sharon last night ~ there are now lovely purple orchids on my dresser, another blessing from RoseMary ~

And there are more blessings to come as I look ahead...

~ Victoria, Joe, Daniel, Dustin and Luke are all coming over this evening ~ And I leave on Monday to go and stay with Amanda and Michael over the next couple of weeks to help in my recovery ~ 

And of course there have been more through phone calls, emails, blogs, books and #shereadstruth in 1 Peter this week. These blessings that often come from others that do not know the heart and physical struggles that are my everyday life, and each one breathes life and hope into this heart of mine.  

It is amazing as I look at the struggles that are overwhelmingly before Matthew and me. Satan is working hard for the desire to wallow in doubt to win out, and yet the Lord is victorious! We are in a spiritual battle with the Evil one who so desperately wants to distract and overwhelm so that all we can see is our insurmountable circumstances. But our God is bigger, He is greater, He is All-Powerful, He is Provider, He is the King of Kings, He is Comforter, and He is Abba. He is everything that we could ever need and more. Our focus has to move away from circumstances and onto our Heavenly Father.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love [Him], to those who are called according to His purpose." ~ Romans 8:28

Real Life {It All Starts With Thanksgiving}

"...and He took the seven loaves and the fish; and giving thanks, He broke them and started giving them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the people. And they all ate and were satisfied..."

Matthew 15:36-37

"Then Jesus said to His disciples, "If anyone wishes to come after Me, he must deny himself, and take up his cross and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake will find it. For what will if profit a man if he gains the whole world and forfeits his soul? Or what will a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Matthew 16:24-26

Jesus' rode wasn't easy. He didn't have a "cake walk" during his years spent here on earth, and so why should we expect our lives to be any different? Or when we experience hard times, why does that make us wonder if God is really there? Christ came to this earth to suffer and then commanded us to "pick up our own cross and follow Him". I would say those words should make us expect the hard times, the times when we don't understand why, and the struggles that come our way.

And yet what is our attitude during those difficult times when we find ourselves face to face with uncertainty? When the spiritual decisions we feel the Lord is calling us to war against the practical and earthly mindset of our every daily lives? When stepping out in faith isn't a little thing, but something that looks impossible/stupid/insurmountable when we look at what lays before us through our human eyes rather than looking into the unknown and the uncertainty through the eyes of faith. I would have to say that my attitude isn't always the best. In reality, it pretty much stinks!

I am definitely the one to look at everything in a practical sense. "Well if we do this than that will happen, so therefore we can't do that. But if we do this than that might happen and that could be good or bad but I can't guarantee anything so we probably shouldn't do that either..." And I could go on and on. This is the reality of my brain. I want to have a detailed plan that ensures that everything is going to work out fine. I want to be responsible. I want to look put together on the outside even if I'm a hot mess on the inside. 

The Lord has been challenging me A LOT recently through the many uncertainties that He has brought into my life over the last several months. And yet through this time He has also brought people into my life to speak words of encouragement and conviction that He is using to mold my heart and my mind to be open to His leading no matter what that looks like. He has used friends and family here in Ingersoll as well as back in Charlotte. He has used women I have never met but who I feel are walking with me through this journey by their willingness to sharing their words through a computer screen or through the books piled on my nightstand...

~ Ann Voskamp ~

"That which I refuse to thank Christ for, I refuse to believe Christ can redeem."

 How to Live Through the Really Hard Storms

"And I’ve felt Him say to me in the deepest part of my heart, the part I sometimes let get too covered up, “You are so much harder on yourself than I am.”

I am. I’m hard on myself. I get caught up in the comparison game and feel like everyone is loving better, living more purposefully, doing more significant things and, essentially, blooming so much better than me.

I give other people the benefit of the doubt, but I never give myself that same grace. And that’s what God has been whispering over me.

Grace."

The Light of His Grace

Emily P Freeman ~ Grace for the Good Girl

Sarah Young ~ Jesus Calling

Each of these individuals have touched my heart deeply. God has used their words to bring me to a breaking point where I acknowledge that I want to be in control, I want to do what's right (and what other people think is right), I care about what other's think and it can sometimes rule my decision making. All these hidden heart attitudes, and more, that the Lord is bringing to light so that He can draw me closer to Himself. He is convicting me of my lack of faith in my God and in my husband, because I am not willing to let go so that they together, as the head of our house and our life can lead me. I'm just too scared as to what that might look like, but I am learning to let go, because letting go is all that I have left...

So, this might cause you to wonder what uncertainties would bring me through all this heart struggling? Well Matthew has been looking for a job since November of 2012 and until last week was unable to find anything. Thankfully last week he was able to get a part time job at Wal-Mart which we are both so grateful for! During the time that he was looking for a job my health also began to decline. I had to start pulling out of commitments that I had made (like being a youth leader and attending small group through our church) and my life began to consist of going to work, trying to sleep as much as possible, and hoping to make it to church every Sunday (which didn't always happen). But over the last several weeks my health has taken a drastic dip downward so that I am now having to take time off of work to  allow my body the time it needs to heal.

During this time of healing and recovery we will be living on the part-time hours that Matthew will be working at Wal-Mart . This of course put my overactive, everything has to make sense, we need a plan, brain into a major freak out session! I cried, asked God why, I ranted, I threw up my hands in an overwhelming "I don't know anything" motion. And He has answered. Not my questions mind you, He has answered by reminding me Who He is. He has been patient through my freak out session (ok, lets be honest, there's been more than one!) and has shown up in a mighty way. He hasn't changed our circumstances, and He hasn't made anything more clear in human terms. But He has bombarded me with the Truth about Who He is, what He is capable of, and what He has brought me through in the past and what He has brought others through. 

He is faithful. I know this to be true. He is now giving me the opportunity to live out what I say that I believe. And it is my choice to take Him up on it. It is my choice to say, "Ok, You are God and I am not. You love me more than I could possibly imagine. And You, not me, You are in control." Now the question is, will I trust Him, really truly trust Him with every single "I don't know" detail that we are faced with?

Yes. I will trust Him. Though I will fail, though I will let myself get overwhelmed when I look at the reality of what He is asking us to do, I come back with a broken and battered heart and lay it all at His feet once again. And I will trust Him.

Heart Work

God is a master at heart work. At molding, breaking, shaping, creating.

Even amidst the muck and grime that is found in this heart of mine. With the dark and dirty corners, the dust hidden under rug in an attempt at making this place, this heart more presentable. But really, this heart is a mess, it is a human mess that can only be made new through Christ.

He sees me, all my mistakes, all my joys, all my fears, all my hopes, all my human plans. He sees all of me and chooses to step in and mold me. He takes my heart in his hand, like a Potter with a piece of clay (Jeremiah 18), and He begins to work. 

He doesn't work based on my timing or my desires, but on His. He sees the struggles and joys of my life right now and in the future. The struggles and joys in the lives of those around me right now and in future. And He works them all together for His good. 

Often I am confused, worried, wondering why this or why now. Why couldn't this have come later, or why can't this come now, or why did this ever have to come at all. But He knows exactly what I need and when I need it. He is asking for my faith to be unwavering in Him. He is asking for my trust.

 

Sometimes I want to give Him my trust. And other times I want to hold on to what I think I need and want. I don't want to want His way. I want to give into stubbornness and be selfish. I am such a child. It amazes me that He meets me right there, in that moment of selfishness and calls me to Himself. He reminds me of journey's we've been through together. He reminds me of times when I thought that I knew best, but I was wrong. He helps me remember who He is and who I am.

 

I am so grateful for this relationship. This God Man who chose to die for me that I might have a personal relationship with Him. How much He must love me I cannot fathom. It is truly an amazingly wondrous gift that I am, and will be, forever grateful for.

I Don't Want to Forget...

 I have a job. That statement still feels surreal and I'm not sure if it's true. But it is. Through God's grace, I have a job.

And that is what I don't want to forget. Him. His grace. His provision. I don't want to forget about the Lord now that I have what I asked for. I don't want to leave Him out of this new journey. I don't want to live life without Him, at least until I "need" Him again.

I don't want to forget my need for Him. I need Him all the time. Though after the dust settles and life calms down, it is easy to forget about the daily need for Him. It's easy to forget the battle that was just won, and Who won it.

Why? Why is it so easy to forget? Number one, Satan hates us relying on God and will step in as soon as possible to make us think that we don't need Him. Number two, life is busy. And it is easy to let the business take us, not stopping to take time to spend with our Father. I'm sure there are more, but those are the two that I feel are pulling me away at the moment.

In one of my interviews with Compassion, I told them that wherever the Lord provided a job, I wanted my office space to be filled with quotes and scripture that would encourage and challenge me. Sometimes my perfectionist spirit gets in the way and makes me feel like I cannot try something because what if it's not right? What if I fail?

If I fail, God's grace is sufficient. 

I know that it can be hard for me to keep my eyes on Christ and to have a good attitude when I feel unprepared and ill-qualified. But that is when I need to turn to Him the most. To cling to the promise that He is in control, that nothing will take Him by surprise, and that I am His child. No matter what happens, I am His child.

So in light of these revelations, I have been looking up quotes and scriptures that I would like to surround myself in my new office space. Here are a few examples:

       

      

      

Father,

May You be glorified through my life. May I remember Your grace and mercy; Your provision; Your peace and wisdom. May I remember You, spend time with You, and seek You even when life appears "easy". For You are God and I am not, whether life is easy or hard at the moment, You are still God. Don't let me forget You. And if I do, remind me Father, in Your love and mercy remind me of Who You are and what You have done. May I set up memorial stones (Joshua 4), like the Israelites after they crossed the Jordan, to remember the battle that was won. Thank You...Amen.

Real Life {The Job Search Is...OVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!}

Praise the Lord! I just received a call and I will officially be employed at Compassion Canada on September 10, 2012.

God is SO good!

I wasn't supposed to receive a call until tomorrow, which meant that I was going to have to come home from being gone all day to listen to a voice mail letting me know if I was employed or not. But the Lord was so gracious and He gave me the opportunity to chat with my new employer for about 20 minutes on the phone about my new position in the Contact Center.

There will be lots of training and hopefully lots of quick learning on my part. But I am so grateful to be employed after being in Canada for a year. What a wonderful anniversary present!

I have no words to express my gratitude right now or the joy that is just gushing from my heart. 

Father I thank You for this wonderful opportunity. May I glorify You through this new journey. 

I ask for quiet confidence in who I am in You, and that I will learn quickly. I give over to You 

any stress that I may encounter. I ask Your blessing upon the friendships that I will establish

 there, may they honor and glorify You. May my attitude be pleasing to You, 

may this heart that You are shaping be a light for You. Amen.

Real Life {Nerves...and then comes...The Hoping & Waiting}

Today I went in for a second interview at a wonderful company (I'm not going to tell you where, that will stay a surprise and I'll let you know where if I get the job). It was absolutely wonderful and totally unnerving!

I was so nervous leading up to this interview. My first one I wasn't nervous at all and this one, wow, it was crazy, my legs were actually shaking as I was putting on my makeup this morning. I don't know what had me so riled up, but whatever it was, I was not going to have it.

I didn't want to be nervous. I wanted to be excited, hopeful, but not nervous. When I'm nervous my personality disappears and I become a bumbling idiot...not exactly a promising attribute! I didn't want to be nervous because being nervous puts the focus and pressure on me rather than focusing on Christ and His promises.

When I was going in for my first interview, my dad sent me a text and told me that he was holding onto the promise that the Lord loves to give his children good gifts. That was an amazing text to receive and I have begun to cling to that promise as well.

That doesn't mean that if I don't get this job that God doesn't give good gifts, it just means there is another opportunity out there that He is just waiting to give me. It really encourages me and keeps my focus on trusting and believing in Christ and His provision rather than in myself and my personal abilities.

So today I am clinging to hope. I am clinging to a God who loves me more than I could possibly imagine. I am crying out in thanksgiving for the opportunity to shine His light. I am choosing to not worry and to not be anxious. I am choosing the Lord who is my life. I am choosing love, which is both an action and a Person. I am choosing to trust and believe that His ways are higher than my ways, that He has everything in the palm of His hand, and that He is in control.

I am choosing to let God be God. To give over my worrisome 

burdens and rest in His mercy and grace.

I will find out next Friday (August 24) if I have a job or not. So right now I am stuck with quite a bit of waiting. But I will continue to cling to my Savior who will never leave me nor forsake me. Who walks with me through this journey we call life. May He be glorified in the waiting.

Real Life {Job Searching}

I am officially job searching...and it's hard! I've never really done a lot of job searching because being a nanny, I always got jobs through word of mouth and they were not hard to find in Charlotte, with so many connections and opportunities.

But here in Ingersoll, it's a different story. Number one, I'm actually looking for what many people deem a "real job", one with an office, and not wearing sweats and old t-shirts that can get spit up and pooped on. I might even wear a skirt! Number two, if I find a job outside of walking distance from our house we will most likely have to buy a second car. Number three, I have no idea what I'm doing...great!

I have had about 5 interviews over the last month, and clearly none of them have ended with a job offer. I have to say it's discouraging. It's hard to get all dressed up, put your best foot forward, give of yourself and have the giving come back empty. 

But through it all, I am seeking His will and not my own. I really, truly want to be where the Lord wants me to be. I have no idea where that is or how long it will take to find it, but I know that He has a job all lined up for me, I just have to be willing to seek, wait, and trust.

Bummer. That takes away all striving on my own that I normally try and do, planning out every possible way things could work out and taking things into my own hands and doing things my way. I have to give it up. I have to give up my ways and let His ways rule. I must let Him be God, and let Him guide me, in His way and His timing, where He wants me.

Now of course that doesn't mean I can just sit around and do nothing, but it does mean that my heart must first and foremost seek Him above everything else. Above a second paycheck, above my own ideas of what would be good for me, above my time frame and my desires. It all has to be Him.

There have been many things that I have learned through the last month or so as I've struggled through this process. I have been convicted that His ways are not my ways. That just because I feel like I need a job now, or really yesterday, He may not feel that way, He may need me to wait weeks or months. Am I willing to wait? Am I willing to trust Him? Am I willing to struggle and learn the lessons He has for me through the searching?

I also know that I long to be a light for Christ no matter where He has me. I know that it is so easy to forget about being a light once I have a job from previous experience. I get distracted with my discomforts, with what other people are or are not doing, with what I deserve compared with what I am getting. I lose sight of Christ and put myself at the forefront of every issue, it all becomes about me, what I want, what I need, what I don't have, what I have to deal with, how everything is unfair, blah blah blah.

What a shame. How many opportunities have I missed to be His light while being blinded by my own selfish and prideful desires? More than I would like to count I think. But I truly want this to be His job that I take, I want to be right where He wants me, even if I am scared or uncomfortable. Of course that's easy to say now, when nothing like that is knocking at my door, but I pray with all my heart that He will give me the strength to live out the calling He is placing upon my life at this moment. Whatever He wants me to do and wherever He wants me to, I so want to be 100% willing and ready for Him to use me.

I want to be His girl. I want to let Him lead. I want to give Him control and stop trying to take it away. I want to see the blessings in the midst of the mess. I want to be transformed by Him as He refines this heart that is hardened with pride and selfishness, the need for control and for everything to be planned out just so with no room for faith.

Father God, may this broken vessel shine Your light through the cracks in this heart. May others see You in the midst of failings. Open my heart to Your leading and Your direction and allow me to learn what You have to teach me through this time of seeming limbo. You are great God, You are all I need, and please don't ever let me forget it. I love You Jesus with all my heart, may Your will be done in me.

There Will Never Be Another You

There will never be another you. God does not create us with different sets of cookie cutters thinking, "Oh I liked this one last time so lets give it another go!" Rather, "[God] made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb." Psalm 139:13. There will never be another you.

I have been thinking about this a lot and how this should affect how I live my life. Instead of trying to be a cookie cutter, I want to strive to be the 'me' that God had in mind when He purposefully and intricately created me. There is a reason that I am 5'8" and not 5'5", pale skinned and not olive skinned; that I tend to be cold and not hot, and there is a reason that I have Lyme disease and am not a healthy energetic woman. There is purpose behind everything that the Lord does, and I truly want to believe this so deeply that it changes how I live.

Recently I've been reading a lot of marriage blogs, articles and books looking for the guidelines and step-by-step process for 'the perfect marriage'. Not perfect as in flawless, but perfect as in, 'How many dates should we go on per week/month?' 'How long do we wait until we have kids?' 'What is the right amount of money that we should have in the bank account?' etc. etc. etc. I think what my heart is really asking is, 'What is the right formula?!?'

Guess what, there is no formula. I am unique, there has never been and never will be another me; my husband is unique, there has never been and never will be another him. So how in the world can I expect there to be a formula for us? Another couple may have figured out what works for them, but that same process will not work for us because we are uniquely us. It's really beautiful if I stop and think about it rather than focusing on the fact I have nothing to check off on my to-do list.

My 'formula' is found in Ephesians 5:21-33 where it is said, 'So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.'

Just because so-and-so got married and had kids right away doesn't mean that we should do the same. And if our friends bought a house right after their wedding, it doesn't mean that we've failed at marriage because we've been married over a year and still don't own a home. We are not here to copy other people, rather we are here to be uniquely us and figure out what that means in the Lord's timing. 

I am learning this same lesson when it comes to being a woman. When I see someone with a cute hair cut, outfit, kid, car, pair of shoes, house, great book collection, a fantastic singing voice, toned body, or great writing skills, I crave it. I want it. I covet it. Bad, bad, bad. Seriously?!? Have I forgotten those words spoken from Mt. Sinai, 'You shall not covet'? That is a commandment, am I into ignoring commandments now? Is that the kind of woman I want to be, no!
 
But it's just so hard isn't it, when you see something that is just out of your reach, and in comes Satan weaving his lies into your head and your heart, watering the seed of want. 

I want to be a woman who wants God above all else. To seek Him in the midst of my coveting heart crying out, 'Lord, cleanse me, wash me of these selfish desires that keep me far from them, rescue me!'

Rather than trying to find a checklist for a great marriage, a great exercise plan, or the right amount of chores to do each day, I want to seek Him with all my heart and let Him fill me. I want to stop searching for other people and things to fill the Jesus whole in my heart. Whether that be my husband, my friends, our bank account, when to have kids, when to buy a house, when to get a second car...I want to want Jesus above it all.

So God here I am, crying out 'Abba Father!' and asking you to renew my mind and focus my heart attitude on you. Thank you so much for your patience with me as I seek you and then once again, give in to my selfish desires and turn away from you. Thank you for your grace and forgiveness that you freely offer to your children. 

Today, I choose you, whatever comes Jesus, I choose you.

Who Am I?

Sometimes I find myself wavering in the knowledge of who I am. I look to my own wayward heart to figure it out, I look to those around me to validate who I think I am, I read articles and watch other people my age and in my stage of life and try and live like them, try and find my security, my worth in living the life I feel I am supposed to live.

Who do I think I am?!?

If I look to other people and try and live like them, I will not be the unique person I was created to be. If I try and find my security and worth through the thoughts, words, and lives of others, I will always be disappointed, hurt and confused. So then where do I go? Where can I find my place? Who I am? Who I am meant to be? How to live this life?

Why does it take me SO long to turn to God?

Why do I exhaust every other outlet? Every other person, blog, song, book, etc. before I give up on trying to figure it out myself, stop trying to figure out this thing called life on my own and just sit at His feet crying out "Father!". Here I am sitting at the feet of my Savior, the One who gave Himself up for me, who died for me and three days later rose again, who loves me even when I try to live on my own, without Him. He is so great, He is so wonderful, He is so gracious, so loving, so beautiful, so patient.

He is God and I am not.

How do I seem to always forget that? How can I look at the vastness of this world, everything that is in it and think that I am God, that clearly I have been here before time and clearly I created everything that I see. That makes much more sense than the fact that I am just a breath, here one day and gone the next doesn't it? Why can I not remember that I am one little piece, one (hopefully) bold and vibrant strand woven into the tapestry of this creation that not I but He, Creator, Maker of Heaven and Earth, God has created. I am not Creator, I am not Maker, I am not God, and yet I want to believe that I am. Of course only when I think I know what's best (which I don't, I might add) and I know what I want to do, but when things are hard and I don't understand, who do I turn too? God. So why is it that I can remember that He is God, All-Powerful God when it's hard but when I can see a path that I want to take and it seems "easy" why do I assume that I am God? Because I have this disillusioned idea that I have control, that when things seem "easy" or "simple" (which they never are!), I think I know what to do, or at least I know what I would like to do, and so me, who thinks she's in control, goes for it! Sometimes things are ok for a while, sometimes I pat myself on the back and say "Attagirl, good job taking charge and making decisions on your own!" But then the longer I go, the more I begin to see things not going the way I had planned, not going the way I had envisioned them going, "how dare they!" I think, wondering how in the world everything had not fallen into place the exact way I had seen it go in my mind! And then it hits me, sometimes immediately and sometimes I fight it for a very long time, but eventually I let myself see, I open my eyes and look around me, and you know what I see? That He is God and I am not. Sometimes it's a relief when I finally acknowledge it, it takes the pressure off and I can finally breathe again. But many times I go into a downward spiral for a while, and I beat myself up for being so stupid, because I know that I know that I am not God, I know that I know that I am not in control, so why do I do this?!? Why do I give things over to God, act like this "great Godly person" and then tank in the trusting/He's in control/His ways are higher than my ways department? It's so frustrating!!! And if it's frustrating for me, it's got to be frustrating for Him right? He's got to look down at me and think, "Seriously, again?!? What is up with this girl!!!" But He doesn't. He doesn't rag on me after the umpteenth time of me "taking over" occurs, He doesn't sit me down and make me watch it in replays as I, once again, choose that my way is better than His, not the other way around. He forgives me, He loves me, He showers me in lovingkindness, He is gracious to me. As I sit at His feet, asking for His forgiveness and repenting from my wayward ways, He acknowledges my sins, forgives them and separates them as far as the east is from the west (aka they are no more). How amazing is He? Now don't think that I get off easy or anything. Just because He loves me and forgives me doesn't mean that He takes away the consequences of the actions that I choose apart from Him. Those are still mine, I still have to live with the decisions that I made, but I am not alone, He is with me as I struggle through the consequences of my sins. What a great God, He allows me to learn my lesson while going through all the muck that I created for myself with me and not making me do it on my own. He is a God like no other. Are there things that I want in this life that I don't have right now? Yes. Do I want to go outside of His will in order to get them? Yes and no. Yes, because I am a sinner and my selfish spirit likes to rear its ugly head...daily, hourly, etc. No, because in my heart I don't want anything outside of Him. I don't want anything that is outside of God's timing, His perfect plan and design that He has for my life. So I hope I will choose "no". I hope I will daily acknowledge that He is God and I am not. That I will find joy, peace, contentment and hope where I am. I have a wonderful life. I have an amazing husband. We have our separate families who have become our own. We have a great home and a wonderful church family. We are truly blessed.

Jesus thank you for...

...Your gracious and loving care displayed in ways seen and unseen.

...our home that You have so graciously provided.

...the community that You have placed us in.

...our marriage that You are daily blessing.

...Your forgiveness and grace so freely pored out.

...Your patience and love in the midst of my failures.

...the beauty that is found in the breakdown of blessings.

All Powerful God

"For just as the body without the spirit is dead, so also faith without works is dead."

James 2:26

Do my actions and behavior mirror what I say I believe?

What I do in response to God when He invites me to join Him in His work reveals what I truly believe about Him. When He asks me to do something outside of my ability, outside of my financial means, something outside of what I can humanly accomplish so that He alone will be given the glory, do I respond with "Yes, Lord." or "Um, God I can't do that, you'll have to find someone else."? When I say that I believe that the Lord is my Provider, but I do not act as such, I am revealing what I truly believe. I so desperately want to live out what I say I believe, but it is so hard, and can be quite scary at times. And there it is, the fear, that keeps me from living out the beliefs that I say I have. If I am afraid does that not communicate to God and those around me that I do not trust Him or believe that He is All-Powerful God, my Provider, my Deliverer, my Rock, my Salvation. Do I recognize and acknowledge Your power? Do I believe that You are the God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob? The same God who displayed the magnitude of His power as He delivered the Israelite's out of Egypt? The same God who gave David victory over Goliath? The same God who came to earth as a babe, fully God and fully man, who healed the sick, who fed the five thousand, who died on the cross and three days later rose again? Do I live this life in light of the fact that I serve a risen Savior? Do I believe that You God have the same power that You did in the scriptures? 

Father God I want to live in light of Your power. I want to live out what I say I believe. I want Your glory to be displayed in my life, for this life is meant for You and You alone, for Your name to be praised and lifted up, for You to be seen not me. Use me Lord, mold me and make me, guide me and take me, be with me as I seek to glorify Your name and not my own.

Jesus thank you...

...for the sun shining and reflecting off snow and shining through windows.

...for weekends full of laughter with my husband.

...for the promise of spring and warmer weather.

...for peace in the midst of the chaos.